Just recently I have found myself awake at night thinking so much about anything and everything that I am finding it hard to sleep. I worry about all kinds of things, but at the moment its mainly about the uncertainty of what comes next. My maternity leave is over in November. I have decided not to return to my old job as the commute is a nightmare and its full time. Im taking the plunge and going back to beauty - I have enrolled on a CND shellac course and I just hope I can build up some clients quickly. I have been toying with the idea of a little part time job too just for some regular income but with that comes nursery or a childminders. Like most Mums the thought of this upsets me so much, I know Eadie will probably love it and it will be great for her development. But you know when you just don't feel ready... Almost scared to let go, well thats where I am. I wanted to write this down to because well its in my head and thought it may be helpful to me!
I want to do well and be a good example for Eadie. I want money behind me so I can spoil her and not have to worry. I want to do something other than just be a mother - does that make me selfish? I want another identity other than Eadie's Mumma, and mostly I want Eadie and Adam to be proud of me.
Do any other mothers feel like this? Like a little bit lost with life?! We have had the greatest gift of all - we made a mini human - but now its time to refocus and find a new path? I hope I am not the only one in this turmoil.
The best job I've ever had is the one I am doing right now and thats being a Mother, but wow its hard work and 24/7. I love Eadie with all my heart but I must focus on me and take care of myself, otherwise what use am I to her.
A rather serious post I guess, but I am just trying to find my way along this journey of motherhood.
Thanks for reading!
X
