I can't believe I am writing this - I can't believe how quickly this year has flown by. It's been the best year of my life without a doubt, having Eadie has changed my life completely and I wouldn't have it any other way. It's amazing the impact one tiny little person can have on your life,and the lives of your friends and family too. Eadie is so loved - loved beyond measure. She has doting grandparents and our friends have been so amazing with her. She has brought so much light and laughter in to our lives and some days I feel like I could just burst with pride because I MADE HER! Two nights ago she finally mastered how to pop the rings back on to the wooden pegs - I welled up! She is starting to change and develop skills so quickly now it's scary! My little baby is going and this new vibrant, determined, cheeky little girl is forming before my very eyes.
This year has been a whirl wind of ups and downs for us as a family! I think all first years are quite like it for a new family! We have made so many lovely memories, and we have also had our fair share of tears and I can't cope moments. But somehow you just get through it. The most testing experience for us was our 5 day hospital stay - absolutely terrifying and an emotional roller coaster but we got out alive and stronger than ever. We all have our health and that is so important. One of my favourite days was when we had Eadies beautiful naming day and I was overwhelmed with the amount of people who wanted to be there for our little girl. Adams speech made me cry and I was just proud as punch all day long!
I think becoming a mother is the most life changing thing you will ever go through and I definitely feel like you will not understand what I'm trying to say until you have had a baby. It's not just 'bam! I'm a mum' it's everything that changes. You have the obvious things like your body changing - but it's the mental things too. Your mindset just shifts completely. Things that mattered before mean nothing now - things you used to worry about seem insignificant & ridiculous. Your world becomes your mini human - to the point where most Mamas & myself kind of lose themselves in it all! You become consumed with your mini person - their routine, their development, their poop! And then you reach this point and think - who the hell am I?!
I think as Mama's we are all too hard on ourselves, I criticise myself so much, it's really ridiculous. Instead of thinking 'wow I made it through a day, she's happy and healthy- good job' I lie awake at night and think I must do this better and I must do that. But being totally honest with you - it's all nonsense. We are all doing the best we can. When I look back at this year I've had I can honestly say I have never felt prouder of myself - I went through childbirth - I've raised this gorgeous, happy, little bundle up with the help of her amazing Daddy, I've managed to maintain who I am as a person (I think) & keep hold of the friends that matter the most. I have never ever learnt as much as I have this year and I will continue to learn every day as a Mama!
Eadie I can't believe you are going to be one this time next week.. I am so unbelievably in love with you & will be for the rest of my life. You light up my world in so many ways - you bring me joy every single day and you also can test me sometimes too...! I just want you to be forever happy & I shall do everything in my power to help you & mould you in to an amazing mini human - the world is your oyster!
I just wanted to get down in words how I was feeling on the run up to Eadies first birthday. It's a mixture of happiness and anxiety as you know the baby days are drawing to a close and it's hard to let go! I hope this makes sense and I don't sound too crazy!
Thanks for reading!
Love Emily
xox
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