Monday, 1 February 2016

Pinch Punch

It's February the 1st - January felt long and grey and I'm happier that Spring is just around the corner. I can see little daffodils pushing up through the soil in the garden and it makes me so excited. For me January can be quite depressing, Christmas is over, Adams back at work and it's back to the grind! February & March for me are much happier months! We have Valentines Day to get excited about, I love nothing more than roaming around M&S and buying all the food for a cosy night in! And then Mothers Day & Easter! 

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that I feel like Feb 1st is my Jan the 1st! Starting from today I am making a conscious effort to get healthy and happier. I am determined to love my body, so in order to do that I need to work out, not just the odd run here and there, an actual routine that I will stick to! (Final last words) I've already completed my 12 rounds of Charlottle Crosby belly blitz... The belly has got to go! And shall walk this afternoon with Eadie! I also start my new job on the 10th, which I'm very excited about! I feel like this will have a very positive impact on myself and Eadie. I believe it will help more with a routine too. 

I am determined to eat healthier too, and try and quit my Chocolate habit. I'm not the best at cooking & get quite flustered, Adam is the chef of the house! But I want to provide healthy nutritious meals for my family and I think with some planning I can do it! I believe by writing all of this down on the World Wide Web I will actually have to stuck to it, so feel free to ask me how I'm getting on and tell me off when I'm posting chocolate pictures on Instagram! 

Roll on a healthier, happier me in 2016! 

Saturday, 19 December 2015

I have a one year old.

Its official - I have a one year old. We had such a lovely day together on her birthday  and obviously Eadie was spoilt rotten by our lovely families. We got Eadie a ball pit for her birthday which went down a storm with her! It was so cute coming down in the morning to that and her presents which friends and family had sent for her. She got books, clothes, toys - the lot! 

After her morning nap we did a cake smash in our kitchen! It took a bit of planning but the pictures came out amazing! Adam got some huge white sheets of paper from work and the night before we taped them up to the wall & floor. We got a few mint green paper Pom poms and wrote happy birthday Eadie in our light box. My mum and I were going to make her the cake to smash but as my mum has a broken leg and torn ligament we just didn't get round to it so luckily Asda had this colourful cake I picked up! It was nice because it had colourful smarties inside so added to the pictures well! I shall add in some pictures.
Devoted Dada!

After lunch we went to Millets farm to meet Father Christmas, it was adorable. They had real reindeer, elves who sang and played games with the children (lost on Eadie but she seemed quite amused) and then we met the big guy himself. He sat and read the children a book which you actually get given, a lovely little keep sake. I had Eadie on my lap whilst all the older children were sat on bean bags - to my surprise Eadie pushed herself away from me and crawled over to the children. It was the sweetest thing ever but really made me realise my baby is growing up so much! 

After we went to see my Mum and she got Eadie a unicorn rocking horse! It is hilarious! It makes a 'magical' sound too! Then in the evening Adams parents & sister came over and again - Eadie was spoilt rotten! I wonder if she will ever realise just how lucky and loved she really is. The next day I read the little card attached to the flowers Adams mum gave me, it said 'Love to you on this special day Emily, thank you for our beautiful granddaughter' Well I cried my eyes out! How sweet and thoughtful. 

The three of us had such a perfect day together. I did get emotional a few times and just couldn't believe a year had flown by. I kept saying this time last year I was doing this or that in hospital. It really has been the best year of my life - apart from the hospital stay back in August. Eadie has taught me so much in such a small amount of time. We can't believe what a bright little girl she is becoming & I can't wait to see what the future holds for us as a family. The day after I felt really quite depressed - I guess it was such a build up to it all, then seeing all our loved ones & then it was all over! Next year we might do her a little party - why not hey! 

Tuesday, 8 December 2015

Eadie is about to turn 1 ....!!!

I can't believe I am writing this - I can't believe how quickly this year has flown by. It's been the best year of my life without a doubt, having Eadie has changed my life completely and I wouldn't have it any other way. It's amazing the impact one tiny little person can have on your life,and the lives of your friends and family too. Eadie is so loved - loved beyond measure. She has doting grandparents and our friends have been so amazing with her. She has brought so much light and laughter in to our lives and some days I feel like I could just burst with pride because I MADE HER! Two nights ago she finally mastered how to pop the rings back on to the wooden pegs - I welled up! She is starting to change and develop skills so quickly now it's scary! My little baby is going and this new vibrant, determined, cheeky little girl is forming before my very eyes. 

This year has been a whirl wind of ups and downs for us as a family! I think all first years are quite like it for a new family! We have made so many lovely memories, and we have also had our fair share of tears and I can't cope moments. But somehow you just get through it. The most testing experience for us was our 5 day hospital stay - absolutely terrifying and an emotional roller coaster but we got out alive and stronger than ever. We all have our health and that is so important. One of my favourite days was when we had Eadies beautiful naming day and I was overwhelmed with the amount of people who wanted to be there for our little girl. Adams speech made me cry and I was just proud as punch all day long! 

I think becoming a mother is the most life changing thing you will ever go through and I definitely feel like you will not understand what I'm trying to say until you have had a baby. It's not just 'bam! I'm a mum' it's everything that changes. You have the obvious things like your body changing - but it's the mental things too. Your mindset just shifts completely. Things that mattered before mean nothing now - things you used to worry about seem insignificant & ridiculous. Your world becomes your mini human - to the point where most Mamas & myself kind of lose themselves in it all! You become consumed with your mini person - their routine, their development, their poop! And then you reach this point and think - who the hell am I?! 

I think as Mama's we are all too hard on ourselves, I criticise myself so much, it's really ridiculous. Instead of thinking 'wow I made it through a day, she's happy and healthy- good job' I lie awake at night and think I must do this better and I must do that. But being totally honest with you - it's all nonsense. We are all doing the best we can. When I look back at this year I've had I can honestly say I have never felt prouder of myself - I went through childbirth - I've raised this gorgeous, happy, little bundle up with the help of her amazing Daddy, I've managed to maintain who I am as a person (I think) & keep hold of the friends that matter the most. I have never ever learnt as much as I have this year and I will continue to learn every day as a Mama! 

Eadie I can't believe you are going to be one this time next week.. I am so unbelievably in love with you & will be for the rest of my life. You light up my world in so many ways - you bring me joy every single day and you also can test me sometimes too...! I just want you to be forever happy & I shall do everything in my power to help you & mould you in to an amazing mini human - the world is your oyster! 

I just wanted to get down in words how I was feeling on the run up to Eadies first birthday. It's a mixture of happiness and anxiety as you know the baby days are drawing to a close and it's hard to let go! I hope this makes sense and I don't sound too crazy! 

Thanks for reading! 

Love Emily 


Tuesday, 27 October 2015

A mother's love knows no bounds.

We have all heard those words 'Once your a Mother you never stop worrying' haven't we? Well I never realised just how true they really were until I became Eadie's Mumma. I cant stop worrying! 

Just recently I have found myself awake at night thinking so much about anything and everything that I am finding it hard to sleep. I worry about all kinds of things, but at the moment its mainly about the uncertainty of what comes next. My maternity leave is over in November. I have decided not to return to my old job as the commute is a nightmare and its full time. Im taking the plunge and going back to beauty - I have enrolled on a CND shellac course and I just hope I can build up some clients quickly. I have been toying with the idea of a little part time job too just for some regular income but with that comes nursery or a childminders. Like most Mums the thought of this upsets me so much, I know Eadie will probably love it and it will be great for her development. But you know when you just don't feel ready... Almost scared to let go, well thats where I am. I wanted to write this down to because well its in my head and thought it may be helpful to me! 

I want to do well and be a good example for Eadie. I want money behind me so I can spoil her and not have to worry. I want to do something other than just be a mother - does that make me selfish? I want another identity other than Eadie's Mumma, and mostly I want Eadie and Adam to be proud of me. 

Do any other mothers feel like this? Like a little bit lost with life?! We have had the greatest gift of all - we made a mini human - but now its time to refocus and find a new path? I hope I am not the only one in this turmoil. 

The best job I've ever had is the one I am doing right now and thats being a Mother, but wow its hard work and 24/7. I love Eadie with all my heart but I must focus on me and take care of myself, otherwise what use am I to her. 

A rather serious post I guess, but I am just trying to find my way along this journey of motherhood. 

Thanks for reading! 

Friday, 28 August 2015

Eadie's Nursery

Here is a blog post about Eadie's little nursery - I wanted to do this so she could see it when she is older and also because we plan on moving her in to the large spare room soon because she just has so much stuff! 

Eadie's room is tiny little box room, Adam painted it 'Almond White' when I was pregnant as we don't like bright colours and also we didn't know if we were having a boy or a girl. I knew once he or she arrived it would start to fill up with 'stuff' of the appropriate colour! Anyway we were quite lucky when it came to the furniture as my Mum works for a local charity I asked her to look out for pieces as and when they were donated! The first thing we got which my Mums boss kindly bought for us was the cot - its just a plain wooden one and we got a brand new mattress for it. I think I will be painting it white when we move Eadie in to the larger room. Before she was in her large cot she had a moses basket by the bed and then a swing cot which she wasn't in for very long as she sleeps like a starfish! We got the white veil that goes around her cot from Ikea - really cheap and cute and I knew if we were having a girl she had to have one! And the cot bumper is from Mothercare and was around £30 if I remember rightly, its reversible too. Its a neutral theme as we got it when I was expecting. 

Next is the baby changing unit - again this is second hand, Adam sanded it all down and painted panels of it white and inside on the shelves. The little star changing mat is from toys r us, and was in the sale. In her changing unit we keep her nappies, baby wipes, swim nappies, muslins (that hardly get used now) baby oils/ lotions, a little kit with nail clippers/comb/brush/ from Tome Tippee, Calpol, teething things and anything else that doesn't have a home elsewhere. The unit does have a drawer but I don't use it as it makes such a racket to open and close it! 

We have built in wardrobes in every bedroom, so we just got her the hanging storage system which is from Dunelm, I store baby grows, vests, leggings, hats and other odds and ends. The boxes at the bottom of the wardrobe are from ikea and contain clothes for the future. The little basket is from a set of two from Primark - this has hair bands, bows, knickers, socks and dribble bibs. And on the top shelf I store her blankets. Although Eadie prefers to be in grow bags now so they only get used in the pram really! 

We were lucky enough to be given the Kub gliding chair and stool. We have spent many an hour in there - it doesnt get used as much now as Eadie just goes off to sleep herself which makes me feel sad! Shes growing so fast! But I do think a rocking chair is such a lovely piece for a nursery and I would highly recommend a kub! Behind the rocking chair is some star fairy lights from ikea, I have had them years! 

Adam put up two little book shelves from ikea for us to stack her books and other random items. He also out up a shelf above her changing unit which has a few bunnykin items and peter rabbit things. It also has the bed ted my mum got Eadie when she was born. And then we have another shelf high up above the rocking chair with other random keep sakes up there. 

This room has served its purpose for now but Eadie has so much 'stuff' and we have such generous friends and family that after Eadie's naming day she was given so much I said we must move her! I can only imagine what Christmas is going to be like... Chaos! 

I hope you enjoyed her little room tour - I am too excited to get started on her big room now! 

Lots of Love


Wednesday, 26 August 2015

Eadie's Naming Day

I wanted to put together a post about Eadie's naming day because I want to remember it well! The day went by so quickly and I felt like I didnt get a chance to catch up with people properly. But everyone has said it was great and thoroughly enjoyed themselves so that makes it all worthwhile. Sometimes I wish you could have a bernards watch and just pause time to take it all in properly!

We decided to use Freeland Village Hall as we used it for my Mums 60th a couple of years ago and it is beautiful! Its a fairly new build, not like your typical run down village hall! Anyway we decided to book it up for the 16th August and that was that. Eadie turned 8 months that day - this year is flying by. 

With the help of my Mum, Louise, Cady & Linda we covered the food ourselves - a small buffet which was enjoyed by everyone! My Mums best friend made the cake - a chocolate sponge covered in white icing and decorated with ribbon that said 'Eadie Lyn Shepheard 16•8•15' and a little chubby fairy on top! Adorable! We provided bottles of prosecco and beer - we also had a huge kilner drinks dispenser with water and other soft drinks. People just helped themselves which was great. 

I decorated the hall with bunting, huge silver letter balloons spelling out 'Eadie' which we tied to her teddies! I also got loads of paper pom poms in pastel colours and hung them up all over the place, I decoupaged 'Eadie' letters from hobby craft and set them on the cake table with two mason jars of sweet peas! It looked really cute - I went with a kind of mint green, baby pink and a soft mink/grey theme! 

I set up a time capsule for Eadie to be opened on her 18th Birthday, I asked people to bring things they thought would be suitable for it! I left out cards for people to write down some words of wisdom for her! I shall get pictures from the day developed and pop them in there, I will also put all the cards she received on the day in to the capsule. I just thought it would be something she would really appreciate on her 18th - Adam has put his speech in there and we have both written her letters to have on her 18th too! 

The ceremony itself was just very personal to us - we decided not to hire a humanist and instead Adam spoke about Eadie. It was a lovely speech and I cried! We asked her 3 'life mentors' to come up and say some sweet vows to her - Adams best friend Justin had some extra funny vows about how they will reenact the scene from bad boys if a guy turns up at the house to take her out! 

After the speech we cut the cake and just continued to enjoy our friends and family. Luckily the sun was out for us so we had the doors open - picnic blankets on the grass and the kids running wild! 

We got a few nice photos from the day - however huge error I decided to use my Polaroid camera outside and the photos were a wash out... Silly me didnt change the setting!!! 

We have been blown away by all the cards, gifts, and money Eadie received. So many thoughtful items, I just have no idea where I am going to put it all...! We appreciate our friends and family so much - thats the most important thing to us that we spent the day with them celebrating our little girl. 

Eadie, if you are reading this some day you should always know just how loved you are. Everyone who came to celebrate with us came because they love and care for you and if you ever lose your way please know that we are always here for you. 

I love you more than you will ever know, I am so thankful to have you in my life and you behaved like a little angel all day - thank you for that! 

Lots of Love,


Monday, 27 April 2015

My Birth Story

 So my first contraction was in the early hours of Friday morning. Adam got up and left for work at six but I didn't say anything because they were so mild. Throughout the day they were on and off but I was so excited thinking by tomorrow I could be meeting my baby... How wrong I was! That evening was Adams work do - I made him go on it! The contractions were all over the place and I thought there was no point him just sitting at home with me. My Mum came around and we watched TV and tried to distract me. I had a Tens machine so started using it. Adam was back before I knew it and we went to bed. We didn't get much sleep because I kept waking up with contractions.

  Saturday morning came and we had to go in to Witney hospital to see the Midwife as I had been booked in for another stretch and sweep. Id had one on the Wednesday 10th but it didn't work. The midwife said I was 3cm dilated and I was so relieved as the contractions had stopped so I was happy something was going on. After we left the hospital we decided to walk to Costa - that took forever. I waddled down there & felt really proud of myself that Id made it that far-its like a stones throw from the hospital!! When we got home we attempted sex like the midwife had advised - lets just say it was terrible. But it worked, the contractions kicked back in and they were so much stronger. Adam had a phone call from his parents, they were on there way home. I remember crying on the bed in agony saying No I cant see anyone! That evening came, loads of contractions happened, used my tens machine & recorded my contractions on an app. I had hundreds. 

Sunday came and we had been up again most of the night - we were both exhausted. I was frustrated and sick of being in agony. Id phoned the Midwife Unit a few times for some support, they were great. I knew I couldn't go in until the contractions were much closer. Monday morning I started to panic, Id been so wrapped up with all the contractions that I really couldn't remember the last movement from the baby. Adam drove me down to MAU & they monitored me, all was fine and we were sent home. I just wanted to stay there and get the baby out! I was so sad to be sent home! For the rest of the day the contractions got stronger & stronger, I spent hours just pacing around the house because my back hurt too much if I tried to sit. The contractions were finally five minutes apart and the midwife said we could come in - I got really excited. The car trip there was unusual... I could hardly sit in my seat as my back felt so painful. When we arrived we had a lovely lady looking after us - she explained they had only 1 midwife in Spires who was with a lady already in the only birthing pool they had! So that meant waiting for a midwife to come in and use one of the rooms upstairs, and just wait for the pool! I was put on gas and air which was fun! I couldn't sit down at all at this point so I just kind of leaned on the window sill and stared in to the car park and A&E bay. Apparently I did a running commentary of the ambulances coming and going and was fascinated with a man gritting all the paths...! 

Eventually the lady was moved downstairs so the pool became available. I was so desperate to get in, I thought the heat would help my back. Initially it did help, but wore off quite quickly, I was still using gas and air but reluctant to take it as I was so dizzy. I had another change of midwife - I was on my third now. I kept being asked to get out of the pool so they could check how far I had dilated, I was exhausted, I cried every single time I had to get out because I was in agony and knew I had to lay on the bed which was excruciating. The lady kept leaving us to it and I remember just sobbing and asking for help constantly. I could often hear Adam crying, he was holding me up in the water and begging me to take the gas. It all felt really wrong and scary in there and I had no idea what I was meant to be doing. The midwife kept saying you will know when to push, all I knew was that I couldn't take the pain much longer. A new midwife came in, asked me to get out the pool. I was hysterical. Adam was wheeling the gas around behind me. I went to use the toilet and was shaking uncontrollably - I tried getting on the bed but my back felt like it would explode. She quickly examined me and walked out the room without saying anything. I began to panic, I started pacing up again, in came another midwife with the first one. Again she asked me to get back on the bed, I just remember crying and thinking why are you doing this to me?! She examined me and said I needed to go to the delivery suite and that I needed a bit of help. Thank god someone seemed to know what they were doing. I gripped this woman and said you aren't leaving me. I felt safe with her. I then had the task of getting in to a wheel chair - my back was agony but I did it. They covered me in sheets and towels and took me downstairs. 

Arriving in the delivery suite was scary - I wanted a natural birth and this was far from it. Vicki the midwife got me in a gown and explained what would happen next. At this point I was just crying and shouting that I was dying! Fun times! I had to have bloods taken or maybe it was when I was being put on a drip, really not sure but blood went everywhere and I remember Adam nearly slipping over in it! All of this bit is a haze, I signed to have an epidural. I cannot remember doing that at all. I do remember the man telling me about it and I thought he was an angel!!! I had to keep still but I was in so much pain it was hard, thats when Adam went funny and two midwives came running in for him! The epidural started to work - I felt so much better until I could feel pain. For ages it went on until they gave me a boost in my hand, a lady did that called Helen and I thought she was an Angel too! She told me Helen would be a good name if we had a girl! Eventually the pain came back again, I got to the point of screaming again before I was given a second epidural. They had to wait for the anaesthetist to do it, again I thought she was an angel... Adam had to sit down during the second one as he felt light headed, I remember the midwife ordering him around saying he had to go and eat. He came back with a lucozade for me and it was heaven! After all of that I spent 5 ish hours dilating, and then at about 5pm my midwife said I was ready to push. This was very surreal because I couldnt feel anything so didnt really know what I was doing?! But after a few pushes the baby came out! She was put on my chest and Adam and I just sobbed our hearts out. Vicki the midwife eventually said to us aren't you going to see what it is! We were so overwhelmed we forgot! When we realised it was a girl we cried even more, we like an hour of crying and laughing. It was very emotional, the best feeling Ive ever felt. I was as high as a kite - I couldn't believe she was ours. I would go back to that moment and relive it if I could because it was simply the most amazing time ever! After they weighed her - 8lbs exactly - they asked Adam to dress her whilst I was cleaned up and stitched up. Watching him cradle our tiny little baby in his giant arms was just amazing, he just kept bursting in to tears and so did I! Me and the midwives were laughing at him because he took forever to get her dressed! It was adorable. 

Eadie is just minutes old here!!! I am aware I look rather tired...!

Once I was cleaned up and put in a new gown they wanted me to breast feed her (she still had no name at this point, baby Cambrey on her little legs) I was lucky that Eadie latched on right away. Adam went off to make phone calls, I managed to phone my Mum from the room. She came down to the hospital with homemade sausage rolls from her lovely boss Louise and mince pies because apparently Id been asking for them throughout the labour! Once Eadie was safe in my Mums arms Adam took me off for a shower and a wee! It was pretty eventful! That poor man, having to deal with all of that! I was up and walking about pretty quickly after Eadie, to start with I was sat on the bed crossed legged and Vicki said 'how are you doing that?!' I told every midwife I saw that I wanted to go home. Eadie was born at 4:48pm and we were coming home in the car at 2am because quite frankly Im nuts. In hindsight it was a pretty stupid thing to do but all I wanted was my bed. 

Sorry this is an extremely long post but I had a pretty drawn out labour! I asked Adam to write up his account of it which is below...

Emily has been on at me for what seems like ages to write an account of what happened the night our princess was born into this world so here goes!

Emily started having contractions on the Friday and said nothing to me until the evening (trooper) we went to see the midwife on Saturday morning for a "scratch and sniff" and were advised that sex would bring things on nicely, - this turned out to be the most wierdest, most uncomfortable, wierdest sex we had both ever had! Another sleepless night ensued Sunday AND Sunday day was the same.... I remember one of the funniest things Emily has ever done, during a strong contraction she got up off of the sofa, slowly waddled over to the fireplace and switch on some fairy lights, all during a contraction, dedication that girl!

After being sent home from the hospital the next day in the morning due to Emily not feeling the baby moving as much we eventually were told to come in about 10pm on the Monday, we were taken upto spires which was very quiet and only had one person in the birthing pool (much to Emily's disgust..) Emily started on the gas and air and at this point is where I lost my coherent fiancée and started baby sitting a strange tired drunk! She seemed very entertained by the ambulance and the guy gritting the pavement over the road.... We eventually moved into the birthing pool suite and spent the next 5 (ish) hours here where I had to force gas and air into Emily even when she didn't want too, it was hard and mentally tiring, I was falling asleep and physically exhausted from not sleeping for the last 4 nights, I had NEVER been that tired, I cried but somehow kept awake, it makes me emotional just thinking about it, if I'm honest I almost gave up and ran...scary tired.

Emily's dilation went backwards which was a real blow after all the ordeal but got us moved onto what I would call "the proper place to have a baby" unlike upstairs where we were basically told "you will know when to push" and given little support and/or answers as to what the hell was happening!
Emily was covered up with a few sheets and we pushed her downstairs via a lift to the new room, Emily had her bloods taken which accidentally fell off and spilt over the floor which I then stood in and trod EVERYWHERE, all of this time by the way emily has been crying out "I'm dying" "my back is going to explode" and "I want an epidural" of which was now about to happen. Emily sat up and still chugging on the gas and air was convinced everyone was eating mince pies so asked for one.... Next a doctor came in with what looked like a massive toolkit and package of instruments, he then got full on gowned up like a surgeon and disinfected all the "stuff", at this point I began to get lightheaded, I knew I was passing out so I quickly layed down on the floor and it passed, I felt like such an idiot and like I'd let Em down, I don't know what set me off, I didn't actually see anything, maybe it was the smell or the idea of things going into her spine... After this I got my fiancée back!! She made sense and we spoke properly for the first time! I felt like we had been in some sort of accident and briefly forgot that we were actually here to have a baby! Not long after the pain came back and after a top up it was found that the epidural had failed and she needed another one! The doctor had to re do everything and again I started to black out!! 
This time it worked and a few hours later, a reorganised job interview and relaying info to the mother in law that we were actually still alive, Emily began to push!
After about 6 pushes I could see the head which looked like a drowned rat, the midwife told Emily to take a small push and pant out the rest when she said, instead the push shot Eadie straight out into the midwifes hand and into our arms! WE WERE SO SHOCKED! So overwhelmed with emotion we both cried our hearts out!! After 5 minutes we decided to actually find out if she was indeed a girl or a boy! 
I was tasked with dressing her for the first time - it took me about 25 minutes! I was so scared of breaking her! In the meantime emily was shown how to breast feed and I helped Emily have a shower / helped emily shower the room/floor with blood...

Somehow we managed to discharge ourselves out around 2am on TUESDAY, I drove extremely cautiously as we still hadn't slept. We got home and I put Eadie (who we named on the way home) into her Moses basket and we both got into bed, just as we were turning the lights out Eadie PROJECTILE vomited and started chocking, I had to put her over my knee and pat her back. After that she wouldn't stop screaming, we didn't know what to do so we called in Super Nan who took her on for a few hours until we could get sleep, thus ending our crazy 4 day, no sleep, birthing story! I have to say it's definitely the most extreme experience of my life and I cannot big up Emily enough for how she dealt with it and managed to get through it, You and Ead's mean the world to me and that day and this story will stay with me forever, your amazing x

If you have got to this then well done! Pretty long old story isn't it! I hope you enjoyed reading it anyway, its nice that its finally down in words as its something I never ever want to forget. Roll on baby number two - just kidding not quite yet! 

Love Emily